I Paint and Write...

...Because I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.

There are seasons in our life when we make decisions based on circumstance, where we must tuck our dreams away in a safe place in our hearts to protect them. That way when the time is right we can bring them back out again. Unfortunately, sometimes they get stuck, and we need a little push or pull to get them loosed.

In my studio in Ajijic, Jalisco, Mexico

Despite circumstantial situations, I for one believe there always remains an underlying dream that awaits patiently, and sometimes not so patiently. I’m guilty of being one of those early idealists who just assumed that everyone was born with a gift, a talent, and a dream that was simply apart of who they were. Is that fact? As I get a little older I hesitate to answer that. I’m much more comfortable these days being willing to admit that I don’t know the answer. But if you were to ask me in confidence, just between the two of us, I would tell you in a punctuated whisper… Yes!

I recall a conversation with my mother in the kitchen when I was in seventh or eighth grade. I knew that my mother had become bitter, and built up walls around her after the death of my father. Though she would not admit it back then I can only imagine that her love for him was deep. In fact it wasn’t until she was in her 70’s that I finally caught a glimpse of her fondness for my father … so many years; so much heartache and fear. That day, back in the late 1970’s in our sun drenched kitchen with yellow countertops, I somehow found the nerve to ask mom if she had a dream. If there was something she always wanted to do in her life. Mom was not prepared to answer that question for me at that time, so she hid behind angry words. Anger was her escape. I didn’t understand it back then, but I learned.


Life has a way of repeating itself. This I discovered, like most of us do, in the school of hard knocks. I, too, had packed my dreams away on a number of occasions. I even became angry and bitter about it. But, just like clockwork, my dreams would periodically pop their little noggins out and look me straight in the eyes with hopeful encouragement, and my heart would melt. “Yes, ok, come on out, I think it’s safe.” But with so many years past, and time ticking away, my dreams seemed shabby and out of shape. And self-doubt would set in. “Did I lose them?” So once again I would pack them back in the their little crib, which was well worn and use to their presence.

Then…as life would have it, I got the big PUSH! It took 25 years for before those dreams were fully released once again. One of the boldest things I did in my life happened after divorce #2; I took a trip deep down into Mexico to find myself. I wanted to take a hiatus to for a while in order to transition from old life to new. I know that sounds so “New Age funky”, but it sums it up so well.

Before I made the big trip alone I needed to calm some nerves with my family. So I invited my mother to come check out this place with me in Mexico. We stayed for nine, wonderful, healing days. Every morning mom and I would wake and have breakfast in the hotel restaurant that we stayed in. We sat on the patio, under a giant Rubber Tree with an amazing view of Lake Chapala. Our breakfasts were leisurely. I loved it. It was the first time I had ever done anything like that with my mother. In fact, we hardly knew each other. Mom worked two, sometimes three or four jobs when I was growing up – I hardly saw her. But during those nine days, we learned more about each other then I ever imagined we could in such a short amount of time. It was a truly healing time. I learned about mom’s dreams – simple, yet authentic. I also learned to appreciate that she was now at a place in her life where her dreams are being realized in her roll as Nana (grandmother). I can appreciate that.

I love to see that my mother can finally, finally, finally, smile, and laugh, and tell me things about her life and her journey that she never could talk about before. I think it’s partially because she sees that I am now a woman who has had a few rough road experiences under her belt. We can finally talk woman to woman. It’s amazing to talk with her and see tears run down her face without trying to hide them anymore.

I’m especially tickled in how mom seems to be living vicariously though me these days, cheering me on, hoping that I can make my dreams come true. I may fall flat on my face, but I know I can get up, brush off, and find another way to live it.

Psssst! I still believe that dreams are discovered or revealed early on in life for some, and late in life for others . . . Don’t be afraid to fail, we all do it.


I paint and write because I can’t imagine doing anything else. I love it with a passion. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

I Paint and Write...