Marionette & the Wishing Pot

"Marionette & the Wishing Pot" by Melanie Banayat
Original oil painting on canvas 36" x 36"
*Click on the picture to see larger image

I just finished this painting yesterday.

Who inspired this painting?

A few years ago I joined a woman's business networking group and met a soft spoken woman in her 50s (whom I will call Jane). Jane briefly shared her story of abuse with me after one of our meetings. I was on my way out to my truck when she called out my name. As we stood in the parking lot and I listened to her story, I was deeply touched by the pain that still brought tears to her eyes. She was no longer in her abusive relationship, by that point it had been a number of years since that relationship ended. With support from a transitional help center for abused women she was able to move on with her life, and is now a much happier, stronger person. But her need to share her experience wasn't about her being stuck in that painful place -- it was about reaching out to other women who need to know that they do not need to stay in abusive relationships. It was at that moment that I finally decided it was time to do a painting that addressed the issue of abuse.

It took me quite a while to come up with the idea of how I wanted to do this painting. Probably about a year went by before I even started sketching out my ideas. Maybe because I really didn't want to revisit that place in my own past.

As I was working on the painting in my art studio many thoughts came to me over and over about how many different situations there are where abuse occurs -- in marriages, in the work place, parental abuse, and the list goes on. Then on a larger scale, I thought about how a great number of people in our society feel abused by our country's leaders. Well, that's a whole topic in and of itself, so I'll just leave that one alone. Usually my first thoughts when I think of abuse I think of physical abuse, or sexual abuse, but mental, emotional, and financial abuse can be just as devastating on a persons life. Then there is also another side of abuse -- addiction; some people view drugs as their abuser. It's really all about control. The abuser's need to control the abused, and the abused needing to take back control over their own life. Recovery from abuse is not an easy road, but it's worth every effort it takes to get there. And it all starts with one decision.

The fact that I like to focus on the positive side of life's difficulties, and offer a sense of hope and inspiration in my work -- the topic of abuse posed as a real challenge for me.



Detail of wishing pot

Here's how the story in the painting plays out in my mind:

She felt trapped like a marionette with her life dictated by a puppet master. "Maybe if I try harder, maybe if I learn to do things better, maybe, maybe, maybe . . ." One day she shared her dreams with the puppet master who then turned and wrote them down for her on a piece of parchment and placed it in a wishing pot upon her request. The puppet master closed the wishing pot and adorned it with a pair of scissors as if to tease her, causing her desire for freedom to grow even stronger. Yet the scissors always seemed just outside of her grasp -- where her freedom continued to elude her. But one night she dreamt of a different life; the dream seemed so real. The next morning she decided she was going to do what it took to live that life -- a better life.


The message on the card will read:

Last night . . .

Marionette dreamt of dancing,
Laughing, learning, living.
At sunrise she did the one thing
She never thought she could.
She rose up and . . .

Note: I left the message unfinished so the reader can finish it off with her own story.


Detail of dancer










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Marionette & the Wishing Pot

What is the Spirit of Women?

What is the Spirit of Women?

That is the question I continuously explore in my art -- one little piece of the puzzle at a time. I offer my insight, not as a trained psychologist or expert on human behavior, but simply as a women, mother, daughter, sister, wife, two-times ex-wife, artist, and businesswoman.

There isn't a simple answer to the question, "What is the Spirit of Women?" Women are complex and fascinating subjects to paint. Even though there are so many different personality types, so many different beliefs, and so many different core values among women worldwide there is such a powerful connection between women that surpasses these differences. It's a sisterhood of empathy, and the ability to see past the invisible walls and directly into the heart.

Often in the eyes of men, it appears as though women can read each other's minds. What is that? How do they do that?

I hope to inspire women through my work and help open the door for communication. My work is based on real people and real life stories. I'm always searching for ways to spark an emotional connection whether it be on canvas or through my greeting cards.

In large part I also hope to offer men bits of insight into the Spirit of Women. What you do with it from there is up to you of course. As I said before, there are no simple answers. The best advice I can offfer to a man is to understand the value in nurturing a woman's true spirit, and that it's an ongoing effort. The key is knowing what that nurturing looks like, acts like, feels like -- well, you get the picture.

On these pages, and through my art I will continue to explore the Spirit of Women and hope you find my insights at the very least . . . entertaining.


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What is the Spirit of Women?

Nursing Mothers

Quiet Time 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
Click on image

Recently I’ve received several emails and comments about my ‘nursing mother’ images – all of which were very positive. Hooray!!!!!


When I began painting these images I knew that some people would be uncomfortable with them, but I also knew that there would be a good number of people that would celebrate them (both women & men). I must say that I was a bit surprised that some gallery owners/managers didn’t feel comfortable exhibiting them. Hmmm?


Savoring Life 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
click on image

I will continue to paint more of these images in hopes to some day find a gallery (or some venue) that would be willing to exhibit these lovely images together and make them the focus of the exhibition.


Mother & Child 36" x 36"
oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
click on image

My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard. ~David Allen

Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy. ~Robert A. Heinlein

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it. ~Irena Chalmers

A baby nursing at a mother's breast... is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature. ~David Suzuki

Breastfeeding is a mother's gift to herself, her baby and the earth. ~Pamela K. Wiggins

Nursing Mothers

Grounded

Grounded 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

Grounded is a very spiritual piece to me. I created ‘Grounded’ when I was at the beginning of a major transition in my life. I was in search of inner peace and a sense of groundedness at a time when everything was so chaotic throughout every part of every day.

I consider myself a spiritual person (not religious). I began to write this post with references to my varied religious experiences, but then I chose to delete all of that, because I choose not to get into religious banter or criticism. Instead I choose peace, understanding, and acceptance.

The following is an excerpt from my journal regarding Grounded:

October 2006 - It’s the morning after the art exhibition in Ajijic. I want to write down my thoughts while the feelings are still fresh in my body. I’ll start out by describing my favorite guest of all – a moth. Yes, a giant moth. I’ll call the moth, Marrón, because she was this beautiful Burnt Umber brown. She was one of the early guests to the show. The front door was wide open during the entire show, so Marrón just flew right in and fluttered around for a few minutes. She caught my eye, and my first thought was I hope that moth doesn’t bother anyone. Then she landed on one of my paintings. The painting she landed on is titled, “Grounded”. The painting is of a woman who is sitting in lotus position with vines growing out of her core, and roots coming out of her feet into the ground. Well, Marrón landed on one of the vines on the painting and remained there for about 15 minutes. I could hear some people commenting wondering if the moth was real or part of the painting, because it was so still. Other people were wondering if it was stuck to the paint because they knew many of the paintings were still wet. The painting was hung high on the wall, so I went to get a broom to shoe it away. Marrón immediately flew off and fluttered around the room again, then promptly returned to the same exact spot on the painting. The comments were in awe….”Wow, did you see that!” people were saying. So again, I shoed her off, and once again she came back to the same place. I then decided to leave her there. I realized she brought positive energy to the painting and for the moment – she was truly apart of the piece. She kept landing on the vine as if it were real. It made the painting feel even more earthy, which is what that painting was all about. I’ll always remember Marrón when I look at that painting. She is now part of the painting’s story.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
- Denis Waitley

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.
- Albert Einstein

The especial genius of women I believe to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency.
- Margaret Fuller

The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.
- Anais Nin


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Grounded

Is the glass Half Full or Half Empty?

"Half" 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

A few years ago when I was driving in my car listening to a talk radio station there was a story about a church that started a project to put an end to complaining. The idea was to order one of those stretchy bracelets from their church, place it on your wrist and every time you complain about something you were suppose to switch the bracelet to your other wrist. This was meant to bring attention to how often we complain about things throughout each day. The ultimate goal was to see if you could go for 21 days straight without complaining about anything – being that it supposedly takes 21 days to break a bad habit.

The talk radio program received a lot of calls. Some people thought it was a great idea, others felt it was pointless, or they pointed out that complaining was a form of release & relief from stress.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how people view their lives – half full or half empty. I began to wonder how I could create an image on a painting that would pose such a question “How do you view your life – half full or half empty?”

It wasn’t long after that when I came across a beautiful piece of artwork – a clay pot with irregular shaped holes throughout. It was visually intriguing, but I do remember thinking to myself, “this pot is not a very practical vessel now is it?” The vision of that vessel stayed in my mind for a long time for some reason. After a while it dawned on me that this was the answer for my painting. The body is a vessel! Is the glass half full or half empty?!?! That’s it. This is how I will expose what’s inside the vessel.

At my art exhibitions some people look at ‘Half’ and are immediately put off by it. They make comments such as, “Eeeew, that’s creepy!” Or “Oh! I can’t look at that!” It gives them the heebee jeebeez, and they don’t want to know anything about it. While others are drawn to the painting; they seek to learn more about it. I often wonder what’s going on in the minds of the people who are put off by it, but they scurry off so quickly that I never have the chance to ask them.

I enjoy telling people about the meaning behind this painting, because it brings forth a lot of ‘Ahhhhs’. The painting is a good reminder to me to put things into perspective when life becomes overwhelming at times.

“Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”
- Bill Cosby

Researchers have discovered that pessimistic people are socially rejected because individuals feel that pessimists are hopeless, sad, and depressed - Hewleg-Larson et al., 2002

"Feeling is the language of the soul" — Neale Donald Walsc


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Is the glass Half Full or Half Empty?

Bed of Flowers

NEW. Bed of Flowers 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

Giving Yourself What You Did Not Get From Your Parents

‘Bed of Flowers’ is one of my more Ethereal looking pieces.

The inspiration behind Bed of Flowers comes from the many stories I’ve heard from adults who are grown children of parents whose parenting skills fell short of perfect, which pretty much fits most people’s childhood experiences.

I know that sounds pretty deep – like "lying on the sofa talking to a therapist deep".

Fact is children are dependent little buggers, they depend on their parent(s) to feed them, cloth them, and take care of all of their basic needs to sustain their life. But it doesn’t stop there. Children look to their parent(s) for more than just their basic needs. They pine for their approval and acceptance. They watch so closely studying how their parents walk through life until one day they find themselves “all grown up”, but still feeling like that little child “pining”.

A therapist once told me that as an adult ‘I’ can give to myself what my parents weren’t able to give me. That sounded sort of strange and funny. It took experiencing a number of years as a parent myself to understand what she meant.

Thank goodness as a parent I can admit I’m not perfect! I’m so glad I can admit that! Perfection is too high of an expectation for anyone. There is simply no way that I can give my children everything they need and want from me, because I’m still learning “how to be” in this world myself. When they become adults they will continue to grow, change, need and want, and they will have to get much of what they need and want from others, or they too will have to learn how to give themselves what they need and want (emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, etc.). Hopefully they will seek for mentors that inspire them, and surround themselves with the type of people that feed their spirit, lift their souls, and encourage them in just they right way that helps them become the happiest person they can be. More importantly, I hope they will be willing to surrender any pain that I may have been part of in their life and hand that burden over to their Heavenly Father – as often as necessary.

‘Bed of Flowers’ is a sweet piece that represents the parent child relationship. We know that there is so much life to live ahead of the little baby and already she is looking at her mother, admiring her, watching her so closely. And the mother, so young, still growing and learning along the way.


It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
~Joyce Maynard

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.
~William D. Tammeus

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.
~John Wilmot

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Bed of Flowers

Western Yoga

New. Western Yoga 36" x 36" Original Oil Painting 2008
by Melanie Banayat

WESTERN YOGA

"Western Yoga" is obviously a bit of a gentle satire; a light parody if you will.

The painting is highly textured, which is hard to tell on the internet. This painting along with other new works will be on exhibit in my booth (#718) at the Sedona Arts Festival next weekend - Saturday & Sunday October 4 & 5th. These paintings are so new that they're still wet!

Along with my original oil paintings I will have Giclee Prints, Art Prints, and my MiliGirl Collection Note Cards.

The Sedona Arts Festival is Sedona's most popular fall showcase of fine art and craft featuring over 100 of the country's finest visual artists and craft persons, entertainment, and food vendors. No pets are allowed at this event. For more information please visit the Sedonal Arts Festival Official website at www.sedonaartsfestival.org.

Hope you can make it to the festival!


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Western Yoga

The Road Less Traveled

Pondering

When I reached a major turning point in my life well into adulthood I remember being completely anticipatory about trudging on especially after many years of living under an oppressive thumb -- I felt like a teenager getting a taste of freedom from my parents for the first time. I was cautioned by a number of well meaning people that I need to remember I will also have to face the consequences of my choices, so choose wisely.

Those words began to haunt me over and over again in my mind. I pondered upon these words of caution for many months. I began to worry about making wrong decisions. I was moved to investigate further this “Pondering” process in order rid myself of this growing fear.


That’s when I painted “Pondering.” For me, painting is a form of meditation, yet not always a peaceful one. Often times painting is an intense, and exhausting process. I engage my thoughts – “what am I trying to convey with this image?”, and these thoughts stick with me the entire painting session.

When I finished painting ‘Pondering’ I felt like the process taught me something very valuable. I will never REALLY know what my choice is until I have lived it.

“There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot that you can’t move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies.” – Robert Frost

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters. - M. Scott Peck

The Road Not Taken (The Road Less Traveled)
By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Less Traveled

People Who Inspire Artists

Seventy is the New Forty

I’m constantly on the lookout for people with stories that inspire me . . . As I talk with people, just casual everyday conversation, I’ve discovered that most everyone has a very interesting life. Yet most people think their life is boring and uninteresting. Seems that the majority of people believe that the most interesting part of their life was in their youth, their “glory days” back in high school or college. You know, all the crazy shit that we managed to live through and tell about later. The stories that somehow become more and more embellished as the years go on. Those stories are certainly great at parties and help us laugh at ourselves.

I, however, like to look deeper into people’s souls for the stuff that has depth, purpose and real meaning. Things like those so-called “mistakes” that we made that we feel shameful about and tried to sweep under the rug, or the stuff that causes us to pause in silence and stare out the window with a deep, long sigh.

Seventy is the New Forty by Melanie Banayat
Click on image

Two years ago I had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful women, whose name I have changed for this story in the name of respect. At that time Cynthia was 74 years old and I was 41. We became instant friends, and we spent much time together for about six months when I was living in Mexico. Cynthia is like the energizer bunny reincarnated into this lovely woman with long salt & pepper hair, and signs of living a full life strategically sculpted on her beautiful face. She wears her emotions on her sleeve, and holds nothing back. She is magnetic; her six marriages are proof of that.

We shared a common courtyard with a lush garden and a swimming pool that looked out over Lake Chapala. Just three days after we met she was out on the sundeck sunbathing in the nude. No shame, no worries. Of course, her husband felt a bit differently. I thought it was great. I wanted to get to know this person who, at her age, could stand before a complete stranger naked as the day she was born and hold an expression of peace in her funny little grin.

Over the months we spent many hours just talking about our lives and the many stories that helped mold us into the people we had become. We shared a lot of tears and had many good, hard laughs. Through her stories I could see into her heart, and feel the pain that she still carried in her pocket. It was manageable now. She left an impression on me that inspired me to put fear in its place and embrace life in the moment.

The painting I did, Seventy is the New Forty, in honor of her interesting and inspirational life is not a portrait of Cynthia, but it carries a likeness of her spirit.

People Who Inspire Artists

Art Reflects Life

Current Events
Recorded on Canvas

In high school I couldn’t stand History classes -- US History, Arizona History, World History … whatever. I’m not positive if it had more to do with the subject matter or the presentation…but I would venture to lean toward the presentation, because I remember being more preoccupied with the teachers psoriasis on his forehead than with the lesson he was teaching. And……his drone voice got me doing the head bob thing. Very embarrassing!

But that all changed in college when I discovered that I could take “ART” History to meet my history requirements. I was so into Art History! Of course, we were still studying the same stuff as we did in World history, except with a twist. The whole “art” aspect of the class kept me interested and attentive. I loved seeing how artists recorded life & history on canvas, or whatever medium they worked in. They recorded everything from major historical events that happened around the world, to the small but meaningful events that happened around their own lives.

click here to see more details about the 'Green Goddess' notecard

My latest painting, Green Goddess, is a record of my small but significant life. Well, the more I think about it I suppose it’s really about more than just my small life, because it’s really about what’s happening in our world these days. Green living.

We often do things unconsciously, and discover later the coincidence. I wanted to do a painting about Green Living, and how inundated my little world (our big world) has become trying to live a green life (which is not a bad thing). So, I did the painting, had it photographed, designed and wrote the words for the notecard, and posted it on my new miligirl website. That same day my daughter, Mikhaila, walked in my office and looked over my shoulder at the “Green Goddess” notecard on my computer. She read the words on the card and stated, “oh my gosh, that me!” I took another look at the card and the image and replied, “Oh my gosh, you’re right!”

The color green has been my favorite color ever since I discovered that it was my father’s favorite color. Then it became my daughter’s favorite color when she discovered it was mine and her grandfather’s favorite color. Mikhaila rarely goes a day without wearing something green. Her friends even tease her about it. Furthermore, I did this painting before Mikhaila got her hair cut and styled just like the image in the painting. The weird part is that she didn’t realize that the hairstyle she chose was just like the image in the painting. Once again, art reflects life. I love it!

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"There are two ways to live, you can live as if nothing is a miracle' you can live as if everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein



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Art Reflects Life

The Unexpected

The unexpected is always upon us.

Jump with your eyes open!
In Life, Love, Art . . .
in everything we do!

Season of
Love I

30" x 30" Oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

Not knowing what paths our children will take, what’s behind door #3, or how our life will play out tomorrow is so damned scary and exciting at the same time.

I created this “Season of Love” series of paintings about 10 years ago. It was a simple concept – a way for me to illustrate to myself that the season I was in at that point in my life is where is was suppose to be – another opportunity to learn and grow. I did the series as a visual journal for myself.

Before I painted the series I looked at growing older as a disappointment in many ways, because each new year always seemed to play out differently than what I wanted or expected. I always thought youth was where all the excitement was, and in many ways it is so exciting, because everything is so fresh and new. But I do remember feeling anxious, and envious a lot of the time. Always wanting more, or something better, or, or, or, or ,or …..

Season of Love II
30" x 30" Oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

After I painted this series I could see that the older couple in the forth painting represented peace, acceptance, and comfort. I imagined someday not being so stressed out about my waistline, not caring about what other people thought about me, my possessions, my beliefs, or my social status, and simply being able to breathe in life one day at a time.

Now that my mother is in her 70’s, I can see in her much of what I saw in the painting of the older couple in Season of Love IV. She has not been in a truly intimate relationship with anyone for about 33 years now and I always worried about her growing old without having an intimate bond with someone. She put up walls around her to protect herself from pain - she kept everyone at a "safe distance" (even the man who has loved her through all these years, but she simply would not allow him all the way into her heart). Thank goodness in the last few years she has begun to remove some of the bricks in her wall. When I look at her now I see a woman who has finally learned how to laugh and even poke fun at herself. A nice, unexpected surprise at this stage in her life. She still worries about her health and becoming a burden to others, but I see something much different in her eyes these days. It's more childlike. She has even let her beautiful silver hair grow long like the days of her youth, and she likes it. She's lovely.

Season of Love III
30" x 30" Oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

Then I did a painting about 8 years ago of three teenage girls singing a farewell song for a young man who was going away on a church mission (Unfortunately, I never took a picture of it). I had sketched the scene from life as the event took place. The sketch held a certain quality to it that captured the emotions of the moment so well. I wanted to turn it into a painting as a gift to the parents of the young man who was leaving. I struggled for over a week to capture that same feeling in the painting that existed in the sketch. I finally decided to set the painting aside in the corner of my studio figuring that in time a solution would come to me on how to fix it. Instead the painting laughed at me as I worked on other pieces. So I eventually ended up turning it around to face the wall. That painting really pissed me off! Hah! A few months later I placed the painting back on the easel and decided the painting was no good, so I was going to paint over it and do something else with it instead. I grabbed a tube of raw umber and covered over the images. Then as I stood back to look at the canvas I noticed the images appeared like ghosts in the background. It sent a chill down my spine, and I got a lump in my throat. That was it! That was the solution. SO UNEXPECTED! So I took a rag and began wiping away some of the paint to reveal more. It was like magic.

Season of Love IV
30" x 30" Oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

I don’t know what’s in my future, but even if I did know what was in my future I don’t know if any of it would be worth worrying myself sick over. I suppose I just need to jump with my eyes open and make the best of it.

“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.” - Paulo Coelho

Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.
- Samuel Johnson

So what happens in your life when the unexpected lands smack dab in your lap?

- Greg Hickman



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The Unexpected

The Sum of Us

Are we the sum
of everyone
who has been a part of our life?

Just a few days ago I heard someone say that we are the sum of everyone who has been a part of our life. I’m sure there is a lot of truth to that, although, I don’t think it’s complete. It's not the first time I've heard that comment before; nevertheless, for some reason, this time, ever since I heard that comment it has crossed my mind quite a bit.

Labeled 36" x 36" original oil painting by Melanie Banayat

So now I keep having all these little memory flashes of the many different people that have been a part of my life. Some of these people that are popping into my thoughts I haven’t heard from or seen in over 25 – 30 years. I keep wondering how all these people have contributed to the molding of the person I am today. I mean some people (the major people in my life) are easy to figure out for the most part: family members, teachers, bosses, co-workers, closest friends, and then of course there's the "bad people" - the people who did unthinkable things. I know how all these people helped mold me.

But what about the seemingly random people? Those people who were really only a part of my life for a short time. Those people who were just a small part of my life, but left such big marks. For some reason I have allowed some of these people and their comments, or the experiences I had with them, to affect and influence my life in some pretty significant ways.

For instance, I remember a girl in 7th grade named Dena; she repeatedly made fun of a certain body part on me (which I'm not going to tell you about) that left this mental scar with me even to this day. Silly, I know. Especially since I was never a friend with this girl, never hung out with her, and she probably has no idea how her comments have stuck with me all these years. Oh, it’s easy to say, she was only putting me down to make herself feel better, which is probably true. The fact is, growing up is hard, and kids can be so mean to each other -- that is just a part of life that can either crush us or toughen us up.

So now, good ole’ Dena has made her way back into my life, and she doesn’t even know it. LOL! However, I’m happy to say that ‘body part’ that she made fun of so long ago has recently found an admirer. Although I have to admit, I can’t help but wonder why he likes that part of me so much, because every time I look at that part of me I feel self conscious about it. At least now I’m able to laugh about the whole thing, and say to myself, “What the Hell, he likes that part of me! Sweeeeet – the healing has begun!”

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The Sum of Us

My Favorite Painting

For some reason some people want to know which one of my paintings is my favorite. The answer is all of them, which doesn’t seem to satisfy their curiosity. But the truth is, each painting is my favorite at different times depending on what’s going on in my life at any given time. I know…I know… BORING!

Ok, I’ll give you a little something…

One of the cool things that I love about being an artist is that ideas seem to be developing in my head all the time. I look for most of my ideas as I walk through life and interact with people. Usually the idea for a painting goes through an incubation period, which could be anywhere from a few hours, to a few days, to months or even years. Then all of a sudden I need to put it onto canvas when the time is right. Then again, sometimes I don’t have to look far for an idea, because it comes screaming in my face “PAINT THIS!” Like following two paintings . . .

Holding On 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

“Holding on”, and “Letting Go” each have a strong personal significance to me. It’s interesting how the titles of these two paintings present a dichotomy, yet they work well together toward a common goal – a better future. Those two expressions were repeated over and over again to me from many different people. At first I didn’t really understand what they meant. They would say, “Hold on -- things will get better some day!” I didn’t feel like I could hold on, especially when it felt like I was living in an ongoing nightmare! They would also tell me to, “Just let it go, you’ll see, ‘trust me’ -- things will eventually work out for the better!” I didn’t know how to trust them (or anyone else for that matter) when it seemed like everyone and everything was against me, and trying to send me to an early grave.

There are few things in life that feel more vulnerable then to be standing naked before the world for everyone to see your every flaw, every mistake, and every shortcoming. To feel as though you have been stripped of everything that is dignified, and/or important to you in life. To come face to face with a reality that is harder than you have ever endured in your lifetime, and just when you feel you can’t take anymore, things get worse. My question to myself when I was coming up with the idea for this painting was, “how do I paint that image without her looking defeated?” I want the image to represent hope in the midst of chaos, and pain.


The two triangle marks on the woman’s cheekbone represent the Pascua Yaqui Indian symbol for tears (or rain). I remember going on and on for about 8 months where I couldn’t keep myself from being brought to tears. If a cashier at a grocery store asked me how I was, my eyes would well up and I would try to choke back my true feelings and force a smile, because it wasn’t their fault that I was feeling distraught and sorry for myself. But I could tell that some people could see that I was in pain. I could tell that they felt for me. Others were kind enough to ask if there was anything they could do to help. Eventually I began to share my story with people who were willing to let me take up some of their time, and others were willing to share some of their stories with me, which is how I was eventually inspired to do these paintings.

Letting Go 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat

Simply stated, The Stone & the Vine in “Letting Go” represent the burden and the stronghold.

The fact is ‘WE’ hold all the power over the majority of the strongholds in our life. The power is all in letting go of the burdens, the supposed need, and/or the fears. More often than not the things that keep us from moving on, or from feeling joy can usually be attributed to the idea that we need to have control over the things, situations, and people in our life, “if only they would do as I wish everything would be so much better!” But the truth is, the more we try to control everything, the more people pull away, and things all around us fall apart in direct connection to our life.

The woman in “Letting Go” is dropping the stone from her hand, and the amazing phenomenon that ultimately occurs, which she has to have complete faith in, is that at the very moment she lets it go is the very moment that the vine lets go of her. Fully trusting the process is something that many of us are unwilling risk, but the irony is that even if we don’t surrender to the process – we will still have to face the cause and effect of the strongholds in one way or another. In essence, Letting Go, actually holds more power then trying to force something to happen “Your Way.”

It is empowering; it is freedom!

Link to Pasqua Yaqui symbols


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Please share this post with others - Thanks! Melanie Banayat
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My Favorite Painting

S A B O T A G E !

Labeled 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
Regarding the verbal labels we pick up along our journey,
and how they stick to us like ugly scars.

The “Imposter Syndrome”

"Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change."
- Ingrid Bengis (writer/educator)

Recently I’ve been noticing a great number of people that I’ve come in contact with lately seem to be suffering from something called, the Imposter Syndrome. I recognize it because I suffered with a pretty bad case of it myself for many years. It affected every part of my life from my work to my relationships. And now that I’m in the thick of the Art Industry, in my observation, this syndrome seems to be fairly common among “Creative Types”.

The Imposter Syndrome was identified back in 1978 by psychology professor Pauline Clance and psychologist Suzanne Imes. They basically discovered that many of their high achieving, successful female clients appeared unable to internalize their accomplishments. Even though there was proof of their intelligence and abilities through their academic excellence, degrees, recognition, promotions and the like they routinely dismissed them. Instead, they would attribute their success to more happenstance means such as contacts, luck, timing, perseverance, personality, or otherwise having "fooled" others into thinking they were smarter and more capable than they "knew" themselves to be.

Low self-esteem is somewhat different than imposter feelings, because there is a variance between the actual achievement and the person’s feelings about the achievement that are likely not present in low self-esteem. As much as thirty percent of the population, including people in different professions who are recognized in their fields, such as teachers, people in social sciences, artists, famous people, live under a constant cloud that they are scamming others. They persist in feeling that they are generally getting away with something that they don't deserve. It was originally associated with women but recent research indicates that men suffer in similar numbers. Surprisingly even Michelangelo Buonarroti was plagued with such thoughts.




Michelangelo (1475-1564), Italian painter, sculptor, architect, and poet.










"The imposter syndrome limits how high people can go."
(Prof. P. R. Clance)

"I was very embarrassed when my canvases began to fetch high prices. I saw myself condemned to a future of nothing but masterpieces."
(Henri Matisse)

I first noticed these symptoms in myself in my mid twenties, when I began to achieve some success in business as a graphic designer and an art director for a children’s magazine. I was college educated with a 3.8 GPA, trained in graphic design, and my skills as an artist were strong, therefore, I clearly got the job based my abilities, skills, and intellect. My job reflected it, my paycheck reflected it, and the personal property that I began to acquire reflected it. Yet the entire time I felt that I didn’t deserve any of it; I felt I was just a big fake trying to pull off some big scam. “You’ve heard the term, “Fake it until you make it.” Well, I believed that I was simply faking it all the time and never getting to the “I’ve made it” part. Even years later when my marriage, business, and family life were all thriving, and I was living a very comfortable life in a beautiful home, with a private art studio located on top of a hill with an amazing view of the Cascade Mountains “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" -– basically I had a life that other’s envied and desired, yet I often felt I didn’t deserve it.

In retrospect I can recall so many instances where I sabotaged my chances to exhibit my fine art, or to follow through with a potential sale because I simply couldn’t let myself believe that my work was as good as family and friends were telling me it was. I feared that if I made a sale there would be an expectation for more of the same, and I was sure I couldn’t live up to it. So for years I painted and painted and kept my work hidden from the public eye where it was safely stored in my studio or hung on the walls in my own house. Maybe some highly influential art collector would happen to come by my house and “discover” me, take all of my work to some world class art gallery in New York for me, they would sell it and send me chunky checks, and I would never have to face the public or work at marketing myself or my art. Yeah!

Chameleon 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
Regarding the many masks or faces we must wear in life to survive.

It took some pretty intense self-reflection over about a two-year period of time for me to address this “Imposter Syndrome” in my life, which included moving away to a foreign country for six months and consistently catching myself using words and thoughts that brought on self-doubt, and angst. I basically took advantage of a turning point in my life, after my divorce, to make a concerted effort to address this debilitating and destructive syndrome. It was not easy, but I discovered that the more I opened up to others and developed the ability to separate my feelings from the facts really helped. I had to take inventory of my accomplishments objectively. And whenever a trusted friend paid me a compliment I learned to smile, and graciously say, “Thank you”. Then I would let myself believe it, and take it to heart, instead of doing what I normally did – discount it.

All too often many new artists who try to cross over from hobby artist to professional artist will attribute any early success to luck. This is typical of the imposter syndrome. SABOTAGE!

Just last week I ran into a talented photographer/artist friend, Bruce, at Wal-Mart and told him about a new art group I was forming and asked him if he would be interested in joining. He replied that he was stuck in the "Starving Artist Mentality" right now and was looking to find a new career – he was headed off to the local college to see what else he could do with his life. His comments sounded familiar to me, because his words were self-defeating and full of sabotage. My heart goes out to him, because I know he loves his craft, yet I knew there was really nothing I could say to him at that point that would convince him to at least keep getting his work placed in galleries, and stay involved in the art community. It saddens me to see artists fall away from something they are passionate about. I believe that when we use too many “negative words” like "poverty, hardship, pessimistic, depression, low status, ill, dead" it piles up like dirty laundry and sets us up for a self-fulfilling prophesy. I know this, because I used those words regularly to describe my life.

For me, anyway, I find that confidence has more to do with momentum. My “inner Isis” likes action. She is attracted to it and finds it far more intruiging than when I’m apathetic, keeping myself distracted, or when I’m all “talk” and no “do”.

Isis is the mother goddess of Egypt.

She is associated with mothering and fertility
and therefore a goddess of creation.
She is also a powerful magician.

She is the protector of children.
Ask her to protect your children, living or not,
and she will hold them in her arms
and enfold you in her wings of love and peace.

I also had a conversation with another artist friend (mixed media artist) on the phone a few days ago, where she was in a panic about her career as an artist. She had a list of questions and concerns for me about what I’m doing with my art business. I did my best to share with her how I have approached things. She seemed a bit in awe that I was so confident and knowledgeable. The fact is, she is equally as competent, and intelligent. She’s college educated, has a great deal of enthusiasm, speaks two languages fluently, and her artwork is fantastic (and it’s selling!). In fact just a few weeks ago we both participated in an art show where our booths were right next to each other. She came up to me at one point during the show and said, "lets make a pact, we will each sell $500 worth of art by the end of the day!" Within an hour she met that goal. She was all smiles from ear to ear! She could hardly believe it happened like that. Then about an hour and 1/2 before the end of the show she was so full of positive energy that she said, "Ok, let's make a new pact, a revised pact, we will each sell $1,000 by the end of the day." Guess what? She met her goal! She was beside herself in awe! Now that's what I call synergy! She sent me an email the next day after we spoke on the phone and said she felt much better now that she did herself a favor and gave herself an attitude adjustment. Good for her!

"The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude"
- Voltaire

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering the attitudes of his mind."
(William James)

S A B O T A G E !

Walkabout - Mexico

Calle Colon Cobblestone Streets

Calle Colon
Oil On canvas
by Melanie Banayat

I like to take my camera with me most places in case I come across something interesting. On one of my many treks through the village in Ajijic, Mexico, the cobblestone streets on Calle Colon were being torn apart and rebuilt stone by painstaking, backbreaking stone.

"You can see a lot just by observing"
- Yogi Berra

Most of the men were not large men, but some certainly had some amazing bodies. I chose to paint these two men because of their beautifully defined arms.

I was amazed at how hard they worked and the long hours they put in each day. It took them a month or so to finish the streets around the town square.

I decided to position myself off in the distance a bit so I could just zoom in on the workers without them taking notice. It worked for a little while, but inevitably someone would always look up and see me, then clue the others in on my presence. And, of course, the "muscle man" poses would proceed. I would just laugh, signal to them that I was done, and walk away.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one."
- Oscar Wilde

Walkabout - Mexico