S A B O T A G E !

Labeled 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
Regarding the verbal labels we pick up along our journey,
and how they stick to us like ugly scars.

The “Imposter Syndrome”

"Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change."
- Ingrid Bengis (writer/educator)

Recently I’ve been noticing a great number of people that I’ve come in contact with lately seem to be suffering from something called, the Imposter Syndrome. I recognize it because I suffered with a pretty bad case of it myself for many years. It affected every part of my life from my work to my relationships. And now that I’m in the thick of the Art Industry, in my observation, this syndrome seems to be fairly common among “Creative Types”.

The Imposter Syndrome was identified back in 1978 by psychology professor Pauline Clance and psychologist Suzanne Imes. They basically discovered that many of their high achieving, successful female clients appeared unable to internalize their accomplishments. Even though there was proof of their intelligence and abilities through their academic excellence, degrees, recognition, promotions and the like they routinely dismissed them. Instead, they would attribute their success to more happenstance means such as contacts, luck, timing, perseverance, personality, or otherwise having "fooled" others into thinking they were smarter and more capable than they "knew" themselves to be.

Low self-esteem is somewhat different than imposter feelings, because there is a variance between the actual achievement and the person’s feelings about the achievement that are likely not present in low self-esteem. As much as thirty percent of the population, including people in different professions who are recognized in their fields, such as teachers, people in social sciences, artists, famous people, live under a constant cloud that they are scamming others. They persist in feeling that they are generally getting away with something that they don't deserve. It was originally associated with women but recent research indicates that men suffer in similar numbers. Surprisingly even Michelangelo Buonarroti was plagued with such thoughts.




Michelangelo (1475-1564), Italian painter, sculptor, architect, and poet.










"The imposter syndrome limits how high people can go."
(Prof. P. R. Clance)

"I was very embarrassed when my canvases began to fetch high prices. I saw myself condemned to a future of nothing but masterpieces."
(Henri Matisse)

I first noticed these symptoms in myself in my mid twenties, when I began to achieve some success in business as a graphic designer and an art director for a children’s magazine. I was college educated with a 3.8 GPA, trained in graphic design, and my skills as an artist were strong, therefore, I clearly got the job based my abilities, skills, and intellect. My job reflected it, my paycheck reflected it, and the personal property that I began to acquire reflected it. Yet the entire time I felt that I didn’t deserve any of it; I felt I was just a big fake trying to pull off some big scam. “You’ve heard the term, “Fake it until you make it.” Well, I believed that I was simply faking it all the time and never getting to the “I’ve made it” part. Even years later when my marriage, business, and family life were all thriving, and I was living a very comfortable life in a beautiful home, with a private art studio located on top of a hill with an amazing view of the Cascade Mountains “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" -– basically I had a life that other’s envied and desired, yet I often felt I didn’t deserve it.

In retrospect I can recall so many instances where I sabotaged my chances to exhibit my fine art, or to follow through with a potential sale because I simply couldn’t let myself believe that my work was as good as family and friends were telling me it was. I feared that if I made a sale there would be an expectation for more of the same, and I was sure I couldn’t live up to it. So for years I painted and painted and kept my work hidden from the public eye where it was safely stored in my studio or hung on the walls in my own house. Maybe some highly influential art collector would happen to come by my house and “discover” me, take all of my work to some world class art gallery in New York for me, they would sell it and send me chunky checks, and I would never have to face the public or work at marketing myself or my art. Yeah!

Chameleon 36" x 36" oil on canvas by Melanie Banayat
Regarding the many masks or faces we must wear in life to survive.

It took some pretty intense self-reflection over about a two-year period of time for me to address this “Imposter Syndrome” in my life, which included moving away to a foreign country for six months and consistently catching myself using words and thoughts that brought on self-doubt, and angst. I basically took advantage of a turning point in my life, after my divorce, to make a concerted effort to address this debilitating and destructive syndrome. It was not easy, but I discovered that the more I opened up to others and developed the ability to separate my feelings from the facts really helped. I had to take inventory of my accomplishments objectively. And whenever a trusted friend paid me a compliment I learned to smile, and graciously say, “Thank you”. Then I would let myself believe it, and take it to heart, instead of doing what I normally did – discount it.

All too often many new artists who try to cross over from hobby artist to professional artist will attribute any early success to luck. This is typical of the imposter syndrome. SABOTAGE!

Just last week I ran into a talented photographer/artist friend, Bruce, at Wal-Mart and told him about a new art group I was forming and asked him if he would be interested in joining. He replied that he was stuck in the "Starving Artist Mentality" right now and was looking to find a new career – he was headed off to the local college to see what else he could do with his life. His comments sounded familiar to me, because his words were self-defeating and full of sabotage. My heart goes out to him, because I know he loves his craft, yet I knew there was really nothing I could say to him at that point that would convince him to at least keep getting his work placed in galleries, and stay involved in the art community. It saddens me to see artists fall away from something they are passionate about. I believe that when we use too many “negative words” like "poverty, hardship, pessimistic, depression, low status, ill, dead" it piles up like dirty laundry and sets us up for a self-fulfilling prophesy. I know this, because I used those words regularly to describe my life.

For me, anyway, I find that confidence has more to do with momentum. My “inner Isis” likes action. She is attracted to it and finds it far more intruiging than when I’m apathetic, keeping myself distracted, or when I’m all “talk” and no “do”.

Isis is the mother goddess of Egypt.

She is associated with mothering and fertility
and therefore a goddess of creation.
She is also a powerful magician.

She is the protector of children.
Ask her to protect your children, living or not,
and she will hold them in her arms
and enfold you in her wings of love and peace.

I also had a conversation with another artist friend (mixed media artist) on the phone a few days ago, where she was in a panic about her career as an artist. She had a list of questions and concerns for me about what I’m doing with my art business. I did my best to share with her how I have approached things. She seemed a bit in awe that I was so confident and knowledgeable. The fact is, she is equally as competent, and intelligent. She’s college educated, has a great deal of enthusiasm, speaks two languages fluently, and her artwork is fantastic (and it’s selling!). In fact just a few weeks ago we both participated in an art show where our booths were right next to each other. She came up to me at one point during the show and said, "lets make a pact, we will each sell $500 worth of art by the end of the day!" Within an hour she met that goal. She was all smiles from ear to ear! She could hardly believe it happened like that. Then about an hour and 1/2 before the end of the show she was so full of positive energy that she said, "Ok, let's make a new pact, a revised pact, we will each sell $1,000 by the end of the day." Guess what? She met her goal! She was beside herself in awe! Now that's what I call synergy! She sent me an email the next day after we spoke on the phone and said she felt much better now that she did herself a favor and gave herself an attitude adjustment. Good for her!

"The happiest of all lives is a busy solitude"
- Voltaire

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering the attitudes of his mind."
(William James)

S A B O T A G E !